


love the world like i should

by opalish



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Gen, mentions of canon character deaths, spoilers through the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3579201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalish/pseuds/opalish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Bellamy's not the person he wants to be, and one time he's exactly who he needs to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love the world like i should

i

you can't make the hard choices, he says, and he believes it. you don't have the guts.

and then clarke has his knife in her hand and a broken song in her throat, and she ends atom's pain when he can't even bring himself to move. he's frozen, but she's warm. she's kind. she breathes in, smiles at atom and doesn't flinch from taking that weight, taking that life. he can see it on her face, can see that it hurts her, can see that it's something she'll carry forever, can see that she knows it. but that knowing doesn't stop her. 

and he thinks he might've been wrong.

he thinks he might be the one who doesn't have the guts.

ii

the world's been trying to make me a monster, lincoln tells him.

the world's been trying to make bellamy a monster, too. the difference is, he let himself be swept along in it, didn't resist half as hard as lincoln. he's been pulling himself away from that low, inch by inch, but he made his choices--shooting jaha and whatever the hell we want and the radio.

lincoln had his choices made for him--by his father, by his people, by the mountain. and now they're both dealing with the fallout and they're both dealing with the guilt and they're both trying to be better, to be good--but the truth is, only one of them has anything left to prove.

iii

she fights him every step of the way. so brave, so reckless, so determined to live after being locked away. she throws herself into it all from the very start, and gets hurt just the way he knew she would--but she doesn't stop, doesn't shy away from the pain, and right before his eyes she grows up. these days, lincoln's not the only one who looks at her and sees pure strength. it's difficult to look at her and see anything else.

he thinks about her on his way into the mountain. thinks about what she'd do, what she'd _be_ , if all this was on her and not him.

she'd be brave.

octavia has a brother. he can be brave as well.

iv

she was trying to protect you, raven says, and you have a job to do. she'll get it done, she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. raven loved finn and clarke killed him. and now raven's in his ear, defending her. explaining her. believing in her.

it's not forgiveness, because what clarke did isn't the sort of thing raven _can_ forgive. she loves deeply, powerfully, furiously, and finn was her family. but now, after everything, bellamy's her family. octavia's her family. and their people in the mountain are her family.

clarke's her family. and that's what this is--raven loving harder than she hates. raven understanding what she doesn't want to understand, what she shouldn't have to understand, because the people she cares about are always going to be her priority. even when they're the ones who hurt her most.

he breathes in, breathes out, and does his job.

v

fox feels so frail in his arms, clings to him so tightly, says his name like he's safety and home, like he's her fortress.

he's not that man. he made them all believe it, back when they landed, and he's been trying to live up to it since the night they lost charlotte, but fox is holding onto him so tightly and he's more terrified and more vulnerable than he's been in his entire life.

he doesn't know how to be what fox needs. he doesn't know how to be what any of them need.

i

my sister, my responsibility.

her hand is on the lever, and he can see it in her eyes, see that she's made the choice, that she's bracing herself for what she's about to do. because--

their people, her responsibility.

but that's wrong. because ever since atom, it's been the two of them--on some level, it's been them. snarling at each other and blaming each other and arguing with each other, and then supporting each other, working with each other, protecting their people together and finding their people together and fighting for their people together.

their people, their responsibility.

he's the man he was when she killed atom, when she took the knife from his hand and helped him and atom both, but he's a better version of that man. he's been surrounded by wisdom and kindness and courage, day in and day out, and maybe a little of it's rubbed off on him.

he can't pull that lever for her. he's not that strong, and she wouldn't let him anyway. but he can pull it with her. 

they don't have to be alone in this.

**Author's Note:**

> One of my favorite things about Bellamy is how sincerely he admires so many of the people around him. SO.
> 
> Also I don't usually write such stylized lowercase nonsense, but for now I'm rolling with it.


End file.
